I hate asking for help.
One of the things that has been necessary as our savings begin to dwindle has been asking for ‘getting by’ assistance.
I’ve applied for as much official support as I can right now … prescription help and PIPP and HEAP and this, that and the other thing. But as I wait for bureaucracy to roll and get us what we need, I have been forced to ask friends and family (personal and church) for support. I HATE that. HATE it.
They say pride’s not hard to swallow if you chew it long enough. And I suppose it’s at least partially pride that makes me feel this way. But I also feel as though I’m taking advantage. That’s not my motivation, Lord knows. We need far more than I’ve asked for. There’s lots of small things that aren’t going to get paid. Some I can live without, others are harder. But it’s not as though I’m surrounded by rich people with lots to throw around.
I wish I had a better job. My temp job is just enough to keep me from getting unemployment, but not enough to live on (of course, unemployment isn’t enough to live on either, but that’s another story).
So (to paraphrase Edwin Arlington Robinson) I wait for the light, go without the meat and curse the bread [not literally]. And I ask God to see us through so I don’t have to ask for any more help.