And In The End …

Well, Calicon is more or less officially over, at least for me. I leave from Burbank today.

Those who are leaving from LAX decamped last night to another bivouac location more convenient for tomorrow’s manouevers. 🙂 I’m standing lone picket (so to speak).

This morning, I stood looking at my room as I closed the door for the last time. It occurred to me that we leave behind little bits of our lives everywhere we go; this room, that home and so on.

I know I learned some things about myself over the last few days — some of them good, some not. After seeing all the pictures that have been posted, I am insistant even more about losing weight. It scares me. If I look this bad NOW, after I know I’ve lost weight and inches and sizes, what in the name of all that’s wonderful did I look like THEN? Gee whiz! Still, I’m going to keep the pix around and remind myself that this is not who I am or want to be or look like.

The hardest thing is dealing with how things are going to be when I get home. I have to find work. I have to deal with the fact that I have lived on the hope of this weekend for the past year, and as much as I did enjoy it, there were some unmet expectations that I will likely never have the chance to fulfill. Dreams die hard and I will be doing some mourning for them. I’m already creating a new expectation by aiming for Montrèal in February — getting to see the Habs in Bell Centre. I need something.

In Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Dumbledore tells Harry that “It does not do to dwell in dreams and forget to live.” Sound advice, I suppose, but what do you do when dreams are all you have?

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2 thoughts on “And In The End …

  1. Aww, sorry some of your expectations weren’t met. I know when I do something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time, it’s always somehow different than I expected. I have a habit of imagining how things will go, and then when real life is different from my imagination, I often feel let down even if, in retrospect, what really happened was better than I had a right to expect. But such perspective takes time.

    Love the Dumbledore quote! I’ve been feeling pulled toward Hogwarts of late — maybe I’ll start rereading those soon.

    • TEC4 says:

      I just finished rereading “Deathly Hallows”; started after the trailer came out.

      It’s not so much that the trip let me down. I was disappointed in myself — I wanted things to be so much different for me, and it was the same old stuff. And, too, (as you mentioned) you get caught up in your imagination and you don’t realize how off-base those kinds of expectations were anyway. So I’ll be okay. As you say, it just takes time.

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